Okay to be real here I try to stay pos­i­tive and usu­al­ly end up feel­ing kind of neu­tral. But I am human and I have bad days. And I can tell you that when I get in a mood and start get­ting neg­a­tive, it usu­al­ly lasts for a few days as I stew over what­ev­er has got­ten under my skin and I end up attract­ing major bad juju. Last week, the day after I fin­ished my new vision board, I got on the high­way to have break­fast with my moth­er and blew the motor in my car.

Yep, I spent over an hour sit­ting on the side of the road wait­ing for a tow truck, and am prob­a­bly look­ing at (at least) a $1500 repair bill. While this does seem to hap­pen every time I start to get in a funk I can’t help but think that this time is dif­fer­ent. One of the things I try to do is ask my guides and the uni­verse “What would it take…?” I don’t real­ly want to spend major mon­ey on a car repair for a car with lit­tle resale val­ue, or buy a car instead of a boat.

So I feel like it is Sat­ur­day, I’m at a great big tip­ping point. (If you don’t get my Doc­tor Who ref­er­ences I’m sor­ry. I’m so, so sor­ry.) I am con­sid­er­ing just bor­row­ing my Mom’s con­vert­ible, and mak­ing the jump to the boat soon­er rather than lat­er. I can’t help, but won­der if this is the universe’s way of say­ing “Get up and get your ass in gear. It’s time to MOVE!” I am upset­ting some of my fam­i­ly, the peo­ple who didn’t think I would real­ly leave. For years there was the wolves to take care of and I hat­ed to leave them behind, but now things are chang­ing and I can’t help, but think that I could be writ­ing your from the cock­pit of a sail­boat in a cou­ple of months.

Typ­i­cal­ly when I get wham­mied I try not to let it get to me. Just dwelling on the bad thing can cause my to vibra­tions to enter a death spi­ral. And I am not one to spend a lot of time won­der­ing why some­thing hap­pened. It seems to much like being the vic­tim, like ask­ing “Why me?” Maybe I’m wrong and there is some­thing back behind the scenes caus­ing things for a rea­son, but I’d rather have the illu­sion of control.

The mechan­ic was sup­posed to let me know about a pos­si­ble used engine from his sup­pli­er last week, but I haven’t heard. I am not going to put a new engine in the car. It is old and I am not going to put that much mon­ey in a vehi­cle I will only be using for a few more months. On the oth­er hand the cur­rent plan requires com­ing back at least once and I will need some­thing to dri­ve then.

So I guess here is my ques­tion. Do you think that we cre­ate every­thing? Or do some­things hap­pen for a reason?